The Stepmom Letters: Summertime Blues

Dear Jess,

The end of May and the beginning of June are notoriously emotional times for our family.  Not only is school wrapping up so we're finishing final projects and going on field trips and just generally getting our ducks in a row, but we're also celebrating your advancement to the next grade level, AND your birthday AND my birthday!  It's pure craziness in this household.

But the hardest part for sure is that you're preparing to leave for your annual six week visit to the other side of the country to see your mom.

This is exciting!  You think this is wonderful!  I know how much you look forward to it!  So it's tough because a part of me is happy for you in your excitement, of course, but another part of me finds it SO HARD to even think about you going, never mind actually stand there and watch while you enter a plane and fly away from us for a month and a half.

And so these last few weeks leading up to summer vacation are especially hard every year.  We had a ridiculously fun afternoon together today, you and I - hanging out on the floor of me and Daddy's room watching hilarious old home videos and dying laughing from both your childhood cuteness and ridiculousness.  When we went to pick your dad up from rehearsal I let you pick every song and we perfected our Hamilton lyrics while SCREAMING the raps and making incredible gestures out the window and to each other.  We sent birthday selfies to my best friend and sprawled out on the floor and talked about what your street name would be if you were a hip hop artist.  You know, just a casual Saturday evening.

But, randomly, throughout our awesome time together, I'd get this huge weight in my stomach because I know that you'll be heading out soon and we won't get to see you for what feels like ages and ages.  And I can know it's important all I want, but that doesn't make the thought any less difficult to process.

I thought after doing this for five years it would get easier, but it really doesn't, and now I'm honestly doubting that it ever will.  And don't worry, that's okay.  This isn't about me.

But lady, if you see me get a little misty-eyed when we're hanging out together in these next few weeks, I hope you understand why.  We love you, kiddo.  And it sounds totally crazy but we miss you already.

I plan to soak up so much fun throughout this next month so that I can stockpile it for when you're gone.  It's hard to remember what my life was like before you and now I don't ever want to.

Love you forever and ever.

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